I've been wondering, of late, about what has happened to Con.
Last night I had a late supper of toasted cheese and had settled down in bed and was just starting to nod off, when I realised there was an elderly gentleman, with long grey hair and beard and very dark and wrinkled features, sitting in the corner of my bedroom playing a didgeridoo.
I said "what ho, what's all this about then old chap?"
he said "don't worry, this is the dreamtime, somethings been troubling you and you've come here seeking the answer, I'm your guide."
"I say!" I said, "that jolly handy, well let's go!"
and with that I found myself walking into the reception area of Con Artist Games.
Wally the Wallaby was behind the reception desk and I walked up and said "hello, have you seen Con by any chance?"
Wally looked a little tense, he stared at me for a moment and then came out with this explanation,
he said Con had planned to go walkabout over the christmas holidays, he'd left Kevin the Koala in charge of the office but when Wally had popped in between christmas and new years he discovered Kevin had been gorging himself on eucalyptus leaves and was clinging to the arm of his chair in a catatonic state.
Wally was furious, literally hopping mad, he couldn't get any sense ourt of Kevin and had to ring around to see if anyone had seen Con.
The best he'd managed to find out was that Madge had seen Con walking down Ramsay Street on christmas eve in the direction of Summer Bay, no other sightings since.
Well I was digesting this information when all of a sudden the door swung open and in strolled Kylie.
She said she'd been in the kitchen this morning making breakfast when she'd noticed Skippy was at the back door,
She'd gone outside and asked "what's the matter Skippy?"
Skippy said he'd been down at the billabong and under the coolibah tree there's an old well, he'd looked in and there was Con, he must have fallen in and needed rescuing.
Well I thought Kylie was going to make a song and dance about all this but she was good as gold,
She said she'd taken matters in hand, used her influence and contacts and gone straight to the top,
she'd rung up Dame Edna Everage and that admirable lady was organising the rescue efforts.
Dame Edna had managed to arrange the loan of a 4wd digger from a Mr P Hogan of the Bogan Plant & Machinery Hire Company along with the use of his best driver and operator, a Mr Leo Wanker.
The plan was to put Skippy in the bucket of the digger and lower him down the well to disentangle Con and retrieve him,
then the Flying Doctors were on standby to airlift him to the hospital at Summer Bay.
the medical people are concerned that Con may have gone without beer for several days now, this is considered a life threatening situation for an Australian and the doctors at Summer Bay will administer oral rehydration.
I asked if this was entirely necessary but the doctors insisted they wouldn't give a 4X for anything else.
Well at this point I was feeling somewhat relieved and was able to relax a little, then I noticed the shop keeper had appeared, he said "it's time to go now" and I followed him through the door he'd appeared from and found myself back in bed at 52 Festive Road.
As I thought over the events and started wondering if it had actually really happened I noticed a piece of paper poking out of the breast pocket of my pajamas.
I took out the paper and unfolded it, it was an official press release from the office of the attache for cultural affairs of Australia,
it reads as thus:
well it appears the little fella has got himself in a spot of bother,
well, she'll be right mate,
Signed: Sir Les Patterson.