English is not my first language, but I didn't find this too hard to read. I liked the story. Just the right amount of action and description of people&surroundings for the length of the text. The main character was finely written: she had personality, determination and emotions. Vague hints of her history made her more interesting. The ending fits well to the story.
Some quotes to show what I especially liked in the writing style:
Looking forward to next chapter..
"A brief eye-contact briefly frozen her in place, coupled with a scared step back as well."
Technically, it's not a repeatition. "Brief eye-contact" explains that the eye contact was brief "as an action", and then "Briefly frozen her in place" meant, briefly frozen her, and it's a "State".
Also, i was just waiting for Korbak's art, since i have 5 upvotes, already that is the only thing needed.
Edited by The Architect, 03 December 2013 - 11:17 PM.